I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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