Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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