I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
