i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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