drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
