making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
