I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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