it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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