Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
