So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
