wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
