Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
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May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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