The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
