soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
