Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
