I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just had sex bonerless
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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