was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
