You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
