the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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