the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
