Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is Oprah even human
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
