Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
