I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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