Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
