hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
