I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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