PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
