I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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