Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we're so committed to being not committed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
