& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
