I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
