like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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