Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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