FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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