am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
