Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
