If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
