Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
