Your mouth is God's brothel.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
