Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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