Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
