my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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