Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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