$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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