Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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