hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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