Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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