how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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