You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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