am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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