Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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