Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
