Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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