im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
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I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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