so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
