I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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