I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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