Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
