Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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