I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
