i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
