I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
