i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I FOUND THE LEGS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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