You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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