i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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