I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
