theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
