Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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