is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
