I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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