Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
where are my pants?
in the oven.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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