Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
