Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize