His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
