you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
