im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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