Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
is it fun? or sober?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize