he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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