i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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