corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
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Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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