So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
