I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
