I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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