She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
