I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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