it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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