I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
